Sunday, May 21, 2006
Wedding Duties: Trying Not To Burn The Toast
So I have to give a toast at one of my dearest friend's weddings. I've had a lot of wedding duties over the past few years. I've bridesmaided multiple times. I've been an unofficial photographer. Last summer, I even emceed an entire reception when the real guy backed out at the last minute. But I've never given a toast before. It's tough, because a proper toast must begin with a chuckle and end with tears. Making people laugh and cry in the span of two minutes is no easy task. So before I take to drafting my masterpiece, I thought I'd write the toast I'll never actually give for your personal entertainment:
"Hey, folks. I know you're probably wondering who I am. I'm a high school friend of the groom. No, we never dated or did anything inappropriate. We really are just friends. So your next question is probably why a female friend of the groom is saying anything at this wedding. Everyone knows that it's the bride's day. Well, the cool thing is that over the time that Ben and Jamie have been dating, she has become a true friend to me as well. Really. I'm not just blowing smoke. And this is a pretty big deal, being that I usually don't even like the women whom my friends are marrying, and have to be polite because I managed to get an invitation to the wedding (without a guest, of course). But back to the loving couple: I am really happy for these two. Which is also saying a lot, because I'm usually unhappy at weddings, for a variety of reasons. Maybe because I'm often reflecting on my wedding fund. Not the money I'm saving for my own wedding one day, but the money I have to put away in order to attend the weddings of all of my friends. But I was happy to spend the money on Ben and Jamie, which also speaks to my fondness for them. So with all that said, I think it's clear that this union will last forever. To the bride and groom!"
Stay tuned for how the real toast goes.
"Hey, folks. I know you're probably wondering who I am. I'm a high school friend of the groom. No, we never dated or did anything inappropriate. We really are just friends. So your next question is probably why a female friend of the groom is saying anything at this wedding. Everyone knows that it's the bride's day. Well, the cool thing is that over the time that Ben and Jamie have been dating, she has become a true friend to me as well. Really. I'm not just blowing smoke. And this is a pretty big deal, being that I usually don't even like the women whom my friends are marrying, and have to be polite because I managed to get an invitation to the wedding (without a guest, of course). But back to the loving couple: I am really happy for these two. Which is also saying a lot, because I'm usually unhappy at weddings, for a variety of reasons. Maybe because I'm often reflecting on my wedding fund. Not the money I'm saving for my own wedding one day, but the money I have to put away in order to attend the weddings of all of my friends. But I was happy to spend the money on Ben and Jamie, which also speaks to my fondness for them. So with all that said, I think it's clear that this union will last forever. To the bride and groom!"
Stay tuned for how the real toast goes.
