Monday, March 28, 2011
Facebook Stalking 101: How to hide the inner crazy
So it's been quite some time since my series of Facebook Etiquette posts, and frankly, I've given up on trying to rein people in. I've read status updates detailing people's bitter breakups and medical mishaps; I've seen a profile pic that captures a close-up of a person's hand with the middle finger extended (note: if any one of my former students ever tries that mess, I'll cut that digit clean at the knuckle); I've witnessed tagging of some of the most horrific photos ever taken of otherwise attractive people. So yeah, online etiquette is officially dead.
We are in a new era, where a few keystrokes in a search box can yield more information than we ever imagined about a virtual stranger. While google has been with us for an eternity, with the onset of twitter and the million-and-one other ways that allow folks to tell the world what they're up to every minute, it has become all too easy to become a straight up stalker.
So in the interest of changing with the times, here are a few tips to remain sane (looking) while checking up on a person's every move:
1) Don't post comments on any photos or updates: leave no virtual footprint behind. Of course, we all know that this is a joke, considering the new apps that allow people to check who has surfed their page most often. Along the same line...
2) Don't mention anything you see or read on the stalkee's page to the actual stalkee: just know that as soon as you ask about the person who "liked" his/her photo, or you inquire about why your stalkee was posting pics when he/she was supposed to be busy on a work project - the gig will be up. You could be demoted to having limited access, or even worse... de-friended. Speaking of which...
3) Don't un-friend your stalkee in a moment of anger. Unless you're absolutely sure that you're dunzo, you'll look like a fool trying to re-friend him/her the following week. However, #3 isn't a hard and fast rule. Un-friending may be exactly what you need to do if you don't have the willpower to just...
4) Stop being a stalker! Really, how in the world do you think this will ameliorate your current situation? You'd be much better off going dark than trolling websites looking for clues about where you stand. In the wise words of Will Smith, "Sometimes, the best way to get someone's attention is to stop giving them yours."
Thanks to M.L. for the quote! To all: post away!
